Lynette and Tom Scavo

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Last Fall, just before the new TV season began, there was a teaser for Desperate Housewives where all five ladies wore white and they were walking through the clothesline where there were also white sheets hanging. The song “Girl, you really got me now,” was playing. There was a shot of Bree and the words “aching for perfection” in red letters appeared on the screen. Then, Gabrielle, “thirsty for blood;” Lynette, “longing for truth;” Susan, “dying for love;” and Edie, “hungry for revenge.”

Oh! I just love it! And yes, I am a die-hard fan of the show. I never missed an episode and I sometimes watch the reruns, too.

The housewife I could relate to the most is Lynette. Like me, she has three boys. But she also has a girl, and I don’t. When the show started, she was a stay at home mom – gave up a career to look after her family. Tom, her husband, was a traveling salesman and was away most of the time. Whenever he gets home, he always wanted to have sex with her. But she’s not always in the mood. You see, when you are looking after small children all day long, when you smell of puked up food and milk, you don’t really want to be hugged. When all these children have been clinging to you all day long, the last thing you want is a husband on top of you suckling your breasts.

I could relate to that.

When my kids were smaller, my husband didn’t travel but on his days off, usually on the weekends, he would go out on his own to the mall during the day, leaving me alone with the kids. And at night he would be out with his drinking buddies. When he got home, he would want to get it on with me and, of course, I wouldn’t be in the mood. Not only for the reasons I mentioned above. But I also felt hurt that he was not so supportive in looking after the kids. He went out with his bachelor friends as if he was also one. And you know how when kids hurt each other, they wouldn’t let the other kid get near them, much so touch even the tip of their fingers. And that was how I felt. He hurt me emotionally and it pained me to let him touch me physically. I mean, in a romantic way.

Also, this season on Desperate Housewives, Tom bought a pizzeria place without telling Lynette because he knew she wouldn’t approve. Of course, Lynette was mad when she found out. This is so much like my situation at home. My husband would buy things for his stereo system and home theatre without telling me. Things would just appear at our house and I would later find out how expensive they cost and it would just make me mad.

The first major thing that made me mad was when he renovated our basement. When we bought the house, the basement wasn’t finished and I didn’t know that he was already visualizing it as his listening room where he would set up a home theatre with surround sound system. Okay, I get it that there’s nothing wrong in wanting something nice and luxurious like that. But that is it. It is luxury and it wasn’t in our budget. But he went ahead and started working on the basement without telling me. If he had told me, yes, I probably wouldn’t approve because he decided to do it when he was just laid off from work. We didn’t have the money to begin with and just when it would be a good idea to cut back on expenses, and he did that. And if he had told me, I would have put away the toys and other stuff there, put them in boxes or garbage bags and I would also have covered up the furniture so that they wouldn’t have gotten dirty from the sawdust and gotten stained from the paints.

And after the basement was finished, he just had to have the top of the line everything for his stereo system and home theatre. I didn’t know that the second pair of speakers that he bought cost thousands of dollars. Oh! I feel crying again now that I think about it.

This summer, he finally got his driver’s license. As he was preparing to get his license, I already talked to him about buying a car. I knew he would want to purchase one once he gets his license, but I told him that maybe we should lease one for the mean time. Or if he really wanted to buy one, we would need an extra income. Maybe he could get a second job, a part-time one maybe? I know people who do that just to be able to pay for a car. I have already been doing my part, always putting in extra hours when overtime is open at work.

I worried that I would come home one day, and there would be a car in our driveway. And how would we pay for it? For a major purchase like that, I doubted that he would go ahead and buy a car without telling me first. My fears came true. Oh! How mad was I! I wanted to rip his eyes out. I wanted to hit him on the chest over and over again. But I didn’t. I hurt so badly inside.

Just as I had resented our basement, I also started to resent the car. I don’t even refer to it as our car, but his car.

And because of all of these, I feel that I am such a bad wife. I know that there are wives who would just let it go. A finished basement and a car are not bad at all. In fact, many here in North America feels that a car is a necessity. I have used the public transportation system for so long, that I don’t really think a car is a necessity. Yes, it can be very convenient, but I still think that one can do away without a car.

Or it could be that I feel this way because of how he sort of betrayed me when he went behind my back and made a major purchase without consulting me. I didn’t even get a say in choosing what kind of car and/or what price range. Not that I know much about cars. But I think that buying anything major should be decided by both husband and wife.

Lynette said, “I want him to have what he wants if it’s what I want. I’m a bad wife.”

That’s how I feel, too.

When Lynette disapproved of the pizzeria place, Tom reminded her that she promised to support his dream. But if it’s a childish dream, is it really worth supporting?

Unlike Lynette, who in the end, supported Tom with his dream of opening a pizza place, saying, “We will find a way to make it work,” I, on the other hand, am just so consumed with resentment and I don’t know if I’ll get over this. Yes, I would forget about it and forgive him after a while. But he would do it time and time again. Minsan nakaka-pikon na talaga.

Lynette is a good wife. I am the bad one.

But am I really? Or am I just married to Tom?

But unlike Tom who actually communicates with Lynette, my husband avoids talking with me when I confront him about these. We aren’t really communicating at all.

Oh, I am so desperate. I’m so desperate for a change.