Jenny on Oprah

Jenny McCarthy was on Oprah last week talking about her book Louder Than Words: A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism.

It was heartbreaking to hear how she felt when she learned that her son had autism. She said that she felt like he died. For this boy had actually stopped speaking and wouldn’t look her in the eye and was unresponsive to what’s going on around him. So I can imagine that pain. But she also felt that his son was just trapped inside. And she would do anything to get him back out of there. And so she did. She did some research on the internet and she found out about other children who had recovered and the different treatment options.

But what I want to focus on is how she said the stress of raising a child with autism began to take a toll on her marriage. She felt very alone in her marriage. Her husband dealt with his pain by staying away. When her marriage ended, she felt sad and scared. After the divorce, even though it felt good and the right thing to do, she thought, who the heck is going to love her with a child who has autism? She prayed to find a man who would love her and her child, because they come as a pair. And she found Jim Carrey. In the beginning, she was just looking for someone to hold her and notice her pretty blouse. But Jim fell in love with her and her son. And he has been involved with Jenny’s journey in healing her son’s autism.

Who the heck is going to love me and also my three children? This is one of the things that I also thought about when I was contemplating on separating from my husband. And I’m not as pretty and as sexy as Jenny McCarthy. I’m a woman in my 40’s, short, petite but with a jelly belly. Who would hold me and kiss me and touch me at night? Was I ready to give up sex?

Which leads us to what the ladies at The View were discussing last week also. The hot topic for that day was how (women) divorcées are not getting any sex. But the men are getting it. Women seem not to be getting as much as men.

Sherri Shepherd said that since she’s now separated from her husband and going through a divorce, she’s going celibate. It has something to do with her faith. She’s not going to have sex until she marries again. I think it was Joy Behar who asked her if she had pre-marital sex with her husband. Yes she did. And she thinks that’s where they went wrong.

These past few years that I have been analyzing my rocky relationship with my husband, that’s also what I have realized. We did have pre-marital sex and had a child before we got married. And it was just the wrong start and the wrong reason to get married. We didn’t really have a chance to have time alone together. I think it would have been nice if we were married for a few years before we started having children.

But looking back now, even before I got pregnant with my first child, our relationship had been on and off. I actually had second thoughts on marrying him even though we already had a child together and even after everything was all set up.

Well, you see, I went home to the Philippines with a very bad perm. All I wanted was to look pretty in his eyes after a year and a half of separation and what I got was a perm that has really gone bad. I could feel the disgust on his face when he first saw me. And I actually felt that he was physically repulsed by me. I felt it when we were alone at night. I thought, what kind of immature behaviour is that he couldn’t get past my appearance? It was only bad hair, a temporary thing. And then we also had our usual fights. How could we get married like that? I really wanted to call the wedding off.

But I wanted my child to have his father by his side and people were expecting for us to get married and I would sponsor him and we would all be together here in Canada. Again, the wrong reasons to get married. But I also asked myself if I were willing to be a single parent. My mother was a single parent and I knew how hard it had been for her raising two children on her own. And I also knew first hand how hard it was to grow up without both parents. And even at that time, I was scared of going through life without a partner by my side, a partner who will hold me and love me. I was a lot younger then but I was scared that I wouldn’t find anyone who would love me and my son, because we also came as a pair. But in the end, my heart won over my head. And I’m not saying exactly that I’m glad it did. But if I didn’t marry him then, we wouldn’t have these two other children that we have now. And I couldn’t imagine life without all three of my children. But it has been really tough. And it still is.

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