I am a woman in my early 40s. I am a wife and a mother to three wonderful children.

I am not an alcoholic. I’ve never had alcohol, except for that one time when I was curious what beer tasted like and let it touch my lips and I licked them. Yuck! I didn’t like it.

My father was an alcoholic. He physically abused my mother when he was drunk. Beatings and violence – I witnessed as a young child.

My mother feared for her life and eventually left him, taking me and my sister with her.

I never hated my father though, despite his faults and shortcomings. I’ve always loved him.

In 1991, he died at the age of 53. But the effects of his alcoholism didn’t end there.

He has long been gone and yet I am still haunted by childhood memories. Sometimes I weep when I get flashbacks of different violent scenes of times gone by.

It is true what psychologists say that children of alcoholic men marry men like their fathers. I sometimes catch myself saying, “I married my father.” I don’t know if my husband is an alcoholic but he sometimes goes out with his buddies drinking at night and sometimes they drink here at home. It really bothers me and it’s been an on-going problem.

And this is my journey now.

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3 Responses to “About”

  1. Makis Says:

    Bloghopping from Hazel’s & I got stuck reading your entries. My father was also a raging alcoholic but he never inflicted any physical pain to my mother nor to us – it was more of hurting himself since he gets really dead drunk. It has now been a year that my father stopped drinking because his health has really deteriorated & now after one year, he’s doing really great.

    Fortunately, I didn’t marry a potential alcoholic but if my life hasn’t turned around, I would definitely be one. Having an alcoholic father is clearly more dificult to the daughters than the sons.

    I really admire your courage for putting up a blog on a very delicate matter. Alcoholism is a silent dilemma & it is really great that your blog can create an awareness on its somehow unnoticed importance especially in an inuman culture like in the Philippines.

    More courage to you & I hope you really didn’t marry your father yet. And sorry for a very long comment 🙂

  2. touchmenot Says:

    Hi Makis,

    Thank you for the comment and no, I don’t mind long ones. I like reading them. 🙂

    It’s good that your father stopped drinking. Hopefully he never goes back to drinking again.

    I was hesitant at first to put up this blog. But after a post that I wrote about my experience in my other blog and the response I got from others who had been around alcoholics, I did decide to put another blog on this topic. But then again, I was not that brave enough, so here I am blogging here semi-anonymously. I just want to connect to others who have also been victims of alcoholism.

  3. jerry Says:

    you have a good heart. you write from the depths of your soul.

    i suggest a free video series for you at http://preacherinbluejeans.com/

    you may find this site as good as your favorite tv programs.

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